There's always something
in the way
There's always something
getting through
but it's not me
it's You, it's You

sometimes ignorance
rings true
but hope is not in
what i know
it's not in me..me
it's in You, it's in You

it's all i know

i find peace when
i'm confused
i find hope when
i'm let down
not in me ... me
in You
it's in you

i hope to lose myself
for good
i hope to find it in the end
not in me ... me
in You in You in You

it's all i know

in You in You
its in You its in You

there's always something in the way
there's always something getting through
but it's not me
it's You it's You it's You ....

finally!

Hello dear ones. I apologize for my absence! I have had this on my mind and heart for the past 3 months, and each time I go to write I have fallen short. I have wanted to anecdote each moment perfectly, capture each milestone adequately, and when it came down to it, I have just placed too high of expectations on my plate that I was discouraged before I even started. So here I am. Just writing whatever comes to my mind, because if I am going to continue to blog as a mommy, then I have learned that it is going to have to be while maximizing the little time that I have while my thoughts are gathered! (or are they ever really?!?) 

First off, I would life to thank you all endlessly for the love and support you have shown since Maverick has come into this world. We have been enveloped with our family and friends’ joy and it has made it all the more richer for us. I can not even put into words how incredible of a journey that it has already been thus far, and how much we love our little munchkin to pieces. It is again, the word as I had described often in pregnancy, surreal. He is the greatest blessing and the magnitude of the situation still impacts me daily in different ways. Perhaps the reason I haven’t been writing as much as I would have liked is that it has been so difficult for me to put my feelings into words. It has been amazing, and it has been tough. But above all, God is incredibly faithful and has brought me to this point, and continues to carry me through each wonderful day. 

I’m just going to write bullet points to simplify, aka sputter out my thoughts! Or else this will remain a word document and I will never post it due to my perfectionist tendencies :o)

• I now understand why each parent thinks that their child can do no wrong. I mean, just look at that baby face! When I look at Mav, I can not get over the fact that Matt and I created him out of our love for one another, and that God so graciously protected him and nurtured him within me for 9 months...and now he is here! Again, surreal! In the next paragraph nonetheless! 
• Mav is the cutest baby I have ever seen, and rightfully so, each parent feels this way about their own beautiful child :o) 
• “The mommy club” is an even more elite group than I could have ever imagined. I had thought that my 10+ years of nannying, my knowledge thanks to the Baby Sitters Club series (lol), and assisting my friends with their precious kiddos had prepared me for being a mom. It did in some ways, but ultimately nothing could have prepared me for this experience. I have realized that fellow mommies out there are the prized empathizers that understand what one goes through after the birth of a child. I don’t know what I would have done without my mom’s and girlfriend’s advice, support, and reassurance.
• With that being said, postpartum hormones are a DOOZIE. Phew. What they really should offer in hospitals is a course that prepares you for how you are going to feel post birth, and reassure you that you are absolutely not going INSANE! 
• My son lights up my world. 
• Men.Just.Don’t.Get.It. I say this with humor, but its true. As incredible as my husband has been (and he really has been *absolutely incredible*), men do not have our raging hormones or go through the process of carrying or birthing a child. It is desperately hard because you so want them to understand and relate, but its just like we can’t relate to having a stick down there to play with. They do their absolute best and I can attest that Matt has had to deal with some pretty intense emotions and behavior recently. He has been my rock and has done everything in his power to comfort me. But when it comes down to it, if you need to vent and need some solid reassurance, call your fellow mommy friends ;o)
• Despite everything I’ve said above, I do have the best husband ever ;o)
• To expand on postpartum craziness, to say that I have been overwhelmed is an understatement. After all of the excitement with the O’s post season, traveling, packing, moving, driving down the east coast, unpacking, adjusting to a new normal, trying to establish a routine (and still doing so), attempting to soak up every single moment of infancy/parenthood, and staying in contact/updating family and friends has been a lot. But most difficult of all is the discovery that my OCD cleanliness and organizational tendencies do not mesh well with our new bundle of joy. Nor does my old mindset/schedule of getting things accomplished in a day’s time. I am learning to throw all of my expectations out the window, or else I end up in a fit or fury and emotional wreck at the end of the day. 
• Maverick is an absolute angel. Great eater, great sleeper, makes the cutest faces ever. Even when he is fussy or cranky he is still freaking adorable. We are truly blessed.
• Women are superheroes. And the stronger sex. Sorry, guys. This is the truth. 
• Women also suffer from extreme guilt from being the stronger sex. Such a catch 22, right!?! I can’t tell you how guilty I have felt the past few months. Guilty for feeling like I’m not able to do enough, wondering if I’m making the right decisions, not doing enough for my husband, not doing enough for Mav, not being a good enough friend, not keeping the house clean enough, and then I feel guilty for feeling guilty! Gahhh.
• Social media/technology has been stressing me out. Too many facets and outlets to update and keep track of. Too many options and methods of self expression. Too many choices in general. What ever happened to just writing/talking? We suffer from an overly inundated society. I feel like it is so hard to get back to the basics. I am writing this while not connected to the internet, because if I was I would be too distracted to even type. 
• Add the holiday season/ads/shopping/rush on top of all of this and I have wanted to scream/throw a tantrum/cry/crawl inside a hole and pretend it doesn’t exist. And then I feel guilty for feeling this way during the beautiful holiday season. Hmm. 
• Sometimes I don’t know where my own brain is. Continuation of pregnancy brain but worse. I didn’t think it could get any worse! 
• what is my name...?!?! LOL.

Despite all of this, my son has the ability to completely put everything in perspective and focus my attention on what is truly important. God also has been redirecting my priorities and shining light on what really matters. Such big life lessons and paradigm shifts taking place each day. And all that I can say is that He has been graciously providing me with the strength to handle anything placed our paths, because Lord knows I couldn’t do it on my own :o) 

I hope my bullet points weren’t overwhelming. Or all of my overwhelming statements, lol. Here’s to writing more and not feeling guilty if for some reason I don’t. Because the most important thing I have learned as a mommy is living in the moment. Soaking it all in and not feeling like you need to call/text/take a picture/post on facebook/blog about it/etc to make it more memorable. If you happen to do so along the way, then that is bonus. But for now I am going to turn off my computer, snuggle on the couch with my boys, and savor the moment. Love yall. 

Maverick Luther Wieters

He is here! 

(and Mommy is finally posting!)

September 28th, 2012

5:11 AM

8 pounds, 2 ounces

21 1/4 inches long 

pure.heavenly.bliss

our first family picture :o)

my sweet boys 

wee little Mav

39...

Still only 1-2 cm dilated. 75% effaced...as of Wednesday's appointment for 39 weeks. Lovers...I am ready. Never have I anticipated a *birthday* so much in my life! Maybe it is the pure anticipation, and maybe I will feel much more at ease when Matt gets home tonight. I am so excited to see him and be together as a family. These past 10 days have lingered and I am ready to have my calming, supportive, and peaceful hubby at my side :o) I go in tomorrow to see my doctor since she was out of town last week, and check if I am dilated any further. We have an induction appointment scheduled for bright and early Thursday morning, which is the big due date. My thoughts about this have vacillated, as I have always wanted to go into labor naturally. But the reality of Matt possibly not being here when he arrives is a very scary thought, so we are trying to maximize our time together if possible. Thank God for modern medicine and its advances. I am truly praying that he will want to make an early debut on his own before Thursday, but if not, we will go in with the goal of having a baby that day! Please pray for His timing and hand over this situation...He ultimately knows what is best for us and Maverick. 

My mom and I have been having a great time together the past week, eating yummy food, running errands, watching a lot of baseball, driving each other crazy in our little ways :o) She has been such a huge help with Millie and keeping the house up to my insanely clean standards, the never-ending battle of us versus a "German Shedder," lol. I am so thankful to have her here! 

I will keep you all posted my dears...hopefully he will be here soon! Thinking of all of you each day and missing you all very much. Lots of love :o) xoxo

Worth the Wait

"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently" ~Romans 8:24-25

Oh, how ironic and perfect is God's timing! My devotional today was called "Worth the Wait" and it is certainly what I needed. As well as my sweet neighbor who stopped me yesterday and handed me a prayer book for expecting parents, telling me that she and her husband have been praying for us everyday and little babe's arrival. I was so touched. These little encounters, as well as everyone's caring texts, calls, and thoughts, have been so comforting. I can not thank you enough! I have been quite emotional recently with the realization that he could be making his debut at any moment. Matt left for a 10 day road trip on Thursday, the first week being on the west coast...and I was not prepared for what I would feel.  It was very difficult to say goodbye, thinking of all of the possibilities that could happen over a week and a half span. Needless to say I am a control freak, and these last few weeks have made me feel anything but in control! Fortunately He is, the creator of the universe and the One who has been protecting and molding Maverick for 9 months :o) And that is awe-inspiring.

Matt and I went to my 38 week appointment last Wednesday, and my nurse said that she felt like she wasn't going to see me next week...I told her to be quiet! I am praying that her intuition is false, and that Matt can get back on the east coast if anything is going to happen. Heck, I could be worrying for nothing and he could be late! The rampant emotions! My doctor did say I was about 2 cm dilated, so we will see. I have felt him really low recently, almost as if I were to sneeze and he could fall out. If only it were that easy!?! Haha. 

Carli was able to fly up and be with me for the past few days, which was just what I needed to get my mind off of things :o) We relaxed, lounged, ate lots of yummy food, and got our nails and toesies done!  I think I drove her crazy with my nuances, but nothing she hasn't encountered for the past 13+ years ;o)  I am watching the game right now (hubs just hit his 20th home run, woohoo!) and waiting to go pick up my mom tonight, which I am so excited about. There is nothing like having your mommy take care of you :o) I can't wait to share everything with her that is about to happen...I have a feeling I am about to get even more emotional, in a good way. So much excitement, anticipation, and joy is flowing through me...even though I have been worried/anxious about timing and missing Matt. All of the positive trumps the negative, hands down. The bottom line...I can't wait for my husband and I to hold our little miracle. I am trying to imagine things and get teary eyed just thinking about it. The finish line is so close, its actually tangible. I feel unworthy of this immense blessing, God is so good. :o)

37 weeks 

38 weeks

How Far Along?: 38 weeks
Total Weight Gain: 26 smackaroos
Any Baby Preparations? I hope I have everything...lol. If not--oh well, we'll go get it! There are a few last minute things I want get to put in my hospital bag, which my mom and I will go grab this week. Carli and I busted out my breast pump and familiarized ourselves with this workings, it was quite comical ;D
Clothing Situation: Same dresses, workout clothes.
Any Appointments? 39 week on Wednesday, my mom will be able to come with! My doctor is ironically going to Boston for vacation and going to our game Friday night while she is there, lol. So I will see another doctor in the practice, but one all of my girlfriends have gone to in the past. 
Bodily Changes: Getting fairly uncomfortable, still manageable, but he is so darn strong! Little guy is kicking me in the ribs and when he moves around it hurts. I feel like he is very low and I hope I'm not hurting his neck when I bend over! 

Sleep: The other night I only woke up/peed twice, which was revolutionary. Lets hope for more of those sound nights before he arrives.
Best Moment(s) of the Week: Spending time with Matt, seeing Carli and my mom :o)
Movement: He is very active at night still, and at random bouts in the day. Someone is practicing swinging the umbilical cord like Daddy swings a bat...thats all that I can picture when I see his limbs protruding from my abdomen!
Food Cravings: Been indulging in desserts :o)
Anything Making You Queasy? Thinking that I could go into labor and Matt would not make it back in time for the birth. 
Gender: boy boy boy!
Mood: EAGER!!!
Looking forward to: Matt being back on the east coast, and God's perfect timing :o)

Love yall, will keep you posted with any updates! I hope that everyone had a wonderful weekend, lots of xoxo :D

Chillin

Hi lovies! I hope that everyone had a relaxing and fun Labor day weekend :o) I made a last minute decision (or rather Matt did for me, lol) to ride the train up with the team to NYC for the weekend series. Needless to say I've been a little antsy at home while he has been on the road, contemplating if anything were to happen and being alone. Traffic had also become absolutely terrible in Baltimore because of the Grand Prix taking place downtown, and momma needed a little break from the furbabies- even though I missed all of them terribly while I was away. Such a double edged sword! I am so thankful I was able to go because Matt and I had some quality time together, 2 nights out on the town to enjoy dinner and we were able to see Rock of Ages on Broadway-- which was amazing! The show was hysterical and if you are a fan of 80s music you will be in heaven like I was! It was Matt's first theater experience and I think he had a great time :o) He also indulged in his first Shake Shack order, yum. I was permitted to have a few bites, lol. I also got to see a dear friend from high school that I hadn't seen since our teenage years, which was an awesome treat! 

In baby news, we had our 36 week appointment last Wednesday, which meant *ultrasound*! We got to see our little munchkin and it was magical. He is still a boy, which Matt is pleased with, haha. We also found out that his head circumference is measuring greater than the 98th percentile...pretty much off the charts. This was a little alarming to me as I try to wrap my brain around the fact that his giant head has to descend through my lady bits...hmm. I do blame the hubby because I do not have a big head! Our doctor reassured us that these are all estimates and not to worry...but still! As far as weight they estimate that he is already 6.5 pounds, which is average (55th percentile). If he puts on the half pound a week and I go full term, we are looking at an 8.5 pounder, joy. As long as he is healthy! I just hope my pelvis is big enough ;D It was exciting to learn some details of our little man, as it makes it that much more real that he will be here shortly. Matt was grinning from ear to ear! I go in tomorrow for 37 weeks and they will check to see if I have dilated at all. So we shall see!

35 weeks, sorry for blur

36 weeks

Other than those highlights, things have been pretty slow around the Wieters house. I've been trying to get some functions organized with promoting the Orioles Pet Calendar and BARCS Olympic Pet Challenge at the shelter, coordinating a baby shower for another sweet wife on the team, keep up with the house & ever growing needs of my 3 furry children, all while feeling like I can't think clearly and am physically going to pop. Thankfully my belly button is still intact, and if it remains that way until Mav is here, I'm going to throw a party! That was my one big fear that I am thankful hasn't come to fruition. Been watching a lot of baseball, and the political happenings with the election. Its been exciting to meet some new player's wives that we have acquired through moves, although its also been bittersweet with other moves in our organization. All I can say is that despite my numerous relocations as a military brat and dealing with the "loss" (in location) of close friends, its ironic that I didn't choose a new lifestyle that minimized that. Change is inevitable, in essence it has always been my normal-- but it just plain hurts sometimes. I'm so excited for friends' new opportunities and blessings in store, but its hard not to see them on a regular basis. Its hard on everyone. The silver lining is that baseball, like the military, is a small world. We often rejoin friends on other teams, run into each other during visiting homestands, spring training, and off season trips. Those day in day out season grinds will always remain fond memories :o) I am so thankful for the dear friends and sisters in Christ that I have made on our baseball journey thus far...sometimes I just get a little selfish and want all of my favorite people to still surround me! Instead they are given the opportunity to shine their lights in other cities and touch others the way they have touched me. I miss them all dearly, just like I miss all of my friends that are scattered across the nation. What is fun is that I always have an excuse to travel to visit loved ones! 

Sorry for such a long paragraph! lol. I will leave you with this last picture that sums up a lot of what I have been doing lately, or rather, trying to when Millie isn't pawing the door to go on a walk. Mr. Omaha has been quite the comforter, as he always is, but it is funny how strongly he makes his affection known. Especially when Matt is out of town...he becomes man of the house :o) I don't know what I would do without my little snuggle bunny...I hope he isn't mad at momma for having another little man to snuggle with soon. Praying that all of the babies adjust well to their new brother, and take him under their wing. They will provide him with lots of entertainment to come! xoxo

1 month to go...

YIPPEEEE! Do we really only have 4 weeks left!?! SO CRAZY! I'm praying that little man doesn't make me wait longer by wanting to bake in the oven a few extra days, lol. Especially since all of my friends have had their babies early recently, literally~ all of them! At least 3 weeks early! I won't try to hide my sarcasm when I say that either...haha. And then Snooki had her baby...I officially feel like the last person pregnant! C'mon Mav :o)

We have had a nice week at home since I last wrote. Matt got home at 4:30 AM on Wednesday night which meant my sleepy baby had to get his rest on Thursday morning. Aka half of our off day was gone but that is the baseball life. He had gotten hit by a ball the night before which had me pretty worried, but we went to get precautionary X-rays and there were no breaks, praise God! Just a pretty nasty bruise between his collar bone and shoulder. We oodled at Ikea for a bit (huge since Matt doesn't really like Ikea, lol. But I did get him some meatballs!), took Millie to the park, and enjoyed dinner at one of our favorite places, Jack's Bistro. Then we snuggled on the couch and watched The Hunger Games, which was awesome but nothing beats the book :o) I've really been trying to just soak up the time that we have together these next few weeks, because pretty soon it will be not just "us." As excited as we are for our precious little one to get here, it will definitely be a huge life change and I want Matt to know that he will always be my main man. Help me remember that ladies in the next few months! ;o)

Friday afternoon I met Sarah for lunch in PA, which was a wonderful time. I love catching up with dear friends! She just got a new kitty to keep her other kitty company, and boy is he a cutie. I can't wait to meet him at some point soon! Friday night was a lazy night on the couch, Saturday we visited with Matt's family and I went to the game that night (rare appearances lately, lol), and then yesterday was a very wet day. The game was delayed almost 3 hours and I was miserably hoping they would just cancel it, since if they did play it would have been just a ridiculously long day. Thankfully they did, which is always a Godsend! I can probably count on one hand how many games have been canceled in Matt's career. We got to enjoy another night at home together, ordering takeout and lounging on the couch watching the rain. We thought the rain had stopped and we pounced on the opportunity to take Millie out on a quick walk together, in which Matt urged me to bring an umbrella. I'm thankful he did because we got 2 blocks away and it started to downpour. It was a pretty funny sight, all 3 of us huddled under the umbrella beneath a big tree! We tried to wait it out but ended up walking home in the mess, poor Millie hates getting wet. She pouted on her bed for the rest of the night, haha.

GO O's!!! We just won our first game against the White Sox...this season has been so exciting! So proud of the hubbs and all of the guys. It is so inspiring to see their teamwork, drive, and the incredible fan support. Although I have been enjoying a lot more games from the couch, they are still as thrilling! No matter what happens the rest of the year, they have worked their tails off and made Baltimore proud. For the first time in 15 years we have a winning record. Praying for continued health, morale, and spirits as we head into this final stretch. Likewise with the end of our pregnancy! Life is a marathon, not a sprint...here's to that last push of strength and endurance to the finish line.

Hoping everyone had a wonderful weekend, missing you all and sending lots of love!