finally!

Hello dear ones. I apologize for my absence! I have had this on my mind and heart for the past 3 months, and each time I go to write I have fallen short. I have wanted to anecdote each moment perfectly, capture each milestone adequately, and when it came down to it, I have just placed too high of expectations on my plate that I was discouraged before I even started. So here I am. Just writing whatever comes to my mind, because if I am going to continue to blog as a mommy, then I have learned that it is going to have to be while maximizing the little time that I have while my thoughts are gathered! (or are they ever really?!?) 

First off, I would life to thank you all endlessly for the love and support you have shown since Maverick has come into this world. We have been enveloped with our family and friends’ joy and it has made it all the more richer for us. I can not even put into words how incredible of a journey that it has already been thus far, and how much we love our little munchkin to pieces. It is again, the word as I had described often in pregnancy, surreal. He is the greatest blessing and the magnitude of the situation still impacts me daily in different ways. Perhaps the reason I haven’t been writing as much as I would have liked is that it has been so difficult for me to put my feelings into words. It has been amazing, and it has been tough. But above all, God is incredibly faithful and has brought me to this point, and continues to carry me through each wonderful day. 

I’m just going to write bullet points to simplify, aka sputter out my thoughts! Or else this will remain a word document and I will never post it due to my perfectionist tendencies :o)

• I now understand why each parent thinks that their child can do no wrong. I mean, just look at that baby face! When I look at Mav, I can not get over the fact that Matt and I created him out of our love for one another, and that God so graciously protected him and nurtured him within me for 9 months...and now he is here! Again, surreal! In the next paragraph nonetheless! 
• Mav is the cutest baby I have ever seen, and rightfully so, each parent feels this way about their own beautiful child :o) 
• “The mommy club” is an even more elite group than I could have ever imagined. I had thought that my 10+ years of nannying, my knowledge thanks to the Baby Sitters Club series (lol), and assisting my friends with their precious kiddos had prepared me for being a mom. It did in some ways, but ultimately nothing could have prepared me for this experience. I have realized that fellow mommies out there are the prized empathizers that understand what one goes through after the birth of a child. I don’t know what I would have done without my mom’s and girlfriend’s advice, support, and reassurance.
• With that being said, postpartum hormones are a DOOZIE. Phew. What they really should offer in hospitals is a course that prepares you for how you are going to feel post birth, and reassure you that you are absolutely not going INSANE! 
• My son lights up my world. 
• Men.Just.Don’t.Get.It. I say this with humor, but its true. As incredible as my husband has been (and he really has been *absolutely incredible*), men do not have our raging hormones or go through the process of carrying or birthing a child. It is desperately hard because you so want them to understand and relate, but its just like we can’t relate to having a stick down there to play with. They do their absolute best and I can attest that Matt has had to deal with some pretty intense emotions and behavior recently. He has been my rock and has done everything in his power to comfort me. But when it comes down to it, if you need to vent and need some solid reassurance, call your fellow mommy friends ;o)
• Despite everything I’ve said above, I do have the best husband ever ;o)
• To expand on postpartum craziness, to say that I have been overwhelmed is an understatement. After all of the excitement with the O’s post season, traveling, packing, moving, driving down the east coast, unpacking, adjusting to a new normal, trying to establish a routine (and still doing so), attempting to soak up every single moment of infancy/parenthood, and staying in contact/updating family and friends has been a lot. But most difficult of all is the discovery that my OCD cleanliness and organizational tendencies do not mesh well with our new bundle of joy. Nor does my old mindset/schedule of getting things accomplished in a day’s time. I am learning to throw all of my expectations out the window, or else I end up in a fit or fury and emotional wreck at the end of the day. 
• Maverick is an absolute angel. Great eater, great sleeper, makes the cutest faces ever. Even when he is fussy or cranky he is still freaking adorable. We are truly blessed.
• Women are superheroes. And the stronger sex. Sorry, guys. This is the truth. 
• Women also suffer from extreme guilt from being the stronger sex. Such a catch 22, right!?! I can’t tell you how guilty I have felt the past few months. Guilty for feeling like I’m not able to do enough, wondering if I’m making the right decisions, not doing enough for my husband, not doing enough for Mav, not being a good enough friend, not keeping the house clean enough, and then I feel guilty for feeling guilty! Gahhh.
• Social media/technology has been stressing me out. Too many facets and outlets to update and keep track of. Too many options and methods of self expression. Too many choices in general. What ever happened to just writing/talking? We suffer from an overly inundated society. I feel like it is so hard to get back to the basics. I am writing this while not connected to the internet, because if I was I would be too distracted to even type. 
• Add the holiday season/ads/shopping/rush on top of all of this and I have wanted to scream/throw a tantrum/cry/crawl inside a hole and pretend it doesn’t exist. And then I feel guilty for feeling this way during the beautiful holiday season. Hmm. 
• Sometimes I don’t know where my own brain is. Continuation of pregnancy brain but worse. I didn’t think it could get any worse! 
• what is my name...?!?! LOL.

Despite all of this, my son has the ability to completely put everything in perspective and focus my attention on what is truly important. God also has been redirecting my priorities and shining light on what really matters. Such big life lessons and paradigm shifts taking place each day. And all that I can say is that He has been graciously providing me with the strength to handle anything placed our paths, because Lord knows I couldn’t do it on my own :o) 

I hope my bullet points weren’t overwhelming. Or all of my overwhelming statements, lol. Here’s to writing more and not feeling guilty if for some reason I don’t. Because the most important thing I have learned as a mommy is living in the moment. Soaking it all in and not feeling like you need to call/text/take a picture/post on facebook/blog about it/etc to make it more memorable. If you happen to do so along the way, then that is bonus. But for now I am going to turn off my computer, snuggle on the couch with my boys, and savor the moment. Love yall.